An amazing group of women meet at my home every other week to do the Breaking Free study by Beth Moore. I just can't talk enough about this study. It has affected me in ways that no other study has, it has stirred up a lot of things that needed to be sifted through. Some things needed to be tossed out, some needed to be dealt with and some needed to be refined. It has been well worth it. I am sad that it is almost over but ready to move forward as person who is more honest with who she is, a person that doesn't want to settle for anything less than the women that he thought up when he first designed Andrea. I have a long way to go to being that woman, but I am at least moving in the right direction.
If you haven't done this before, don't walk but RUN to do this. It will change your life... if you let it. Last week was one of those weeks where you want to wrap up in a blanket with a good cup of coffee and just sit in awe at who God is. I love to tell people how much God loves them, but if I am being honest, I don't live my life with the full understanding of how much He loves me. It is too great to think. A girl like me, who is an approval addict, who doubts herself on a daily basis, who struggles with anxiety and fear and who likes to get herself in a fit when she feels she has to defend herself. I think if I really knew How much God loves me, loves me like no one else could, then none of the other stuff would have near the priority that they currently do.
Watching the video on Sunday in my living room, I was crying like a baby listening to what His love for us looks like. He is ALWAYS patient with me, He HOPES in me, HE DELIGHTS in me, He is not jealous of me but for a relationship with me, HE is always KIND and COMPASSIONATE. When you feel like your are disposable in another's life, He tells you that you are never disposable to Him, He fights for you. Beth describes in her study that just because we always don't feel like God loves us... it is not a belief... We must choose to know that God loves us and just take Him at His Word because HE SAYS SO! I love that she says, " No one has ever done more to show you that you were unloved that God has done to show you that you are loved." Only God possesses unfailing love. We can love God because he first loved us. He is love... it is who He is... He can't be any different. She gave us a questionaire that I am still pondering over and I can't get it out of my head. She tells you to ask yourself the following questions...
1. Does God regulary circulate into my thougths?
2. Am I drawn to spend time with Him?
3. Does my life demonstrate a love for God? Does my life reflect God's love for me?
4. Do I often enjoy God?
5. Do I ultimately find relief or satisfaction in obedience?
Beth Moore states from commentary, " To love God in the way defined by the great commandment is to seek God for his own sake, to have pleasure in him and to strive impulsively after him."
That is what I want! Instead of striving for others to love me, accept me for who I am, and find worth in me... I want to strive to love Him the way he loves me.I want to strive to know Him, to believe His words. I want my life to reflect Him so much that people have to go through God to find me. I really do want to love the way Jesus loved.
Yesterday, in the car, I was talking to my son. I asked Sawyer, " Why do you love God Sawyer?". My five year old did not skip a beat. He told me, " Mom, I love him because He loves me. He made me and I want to be a good boy for Him." The wisdom of a child. We get to love Him because He first loved us. Anytime you have a thought of love, it is because God put it there. When you look to God and tell him that you love him, instead say, " I love you too" because just the thought of you loving him means that He just told you.
" God, thank you for filling me with your Presence. Please help me to love you the way you love me. Help me to love others the way your Son loved. Help me with the unbelief that I sometimes struggle with. Thank you for loving me... I love you too."
I have been so bad about keeping up with my blog. I am not on facebook so this is my only way to let my family see what is happening with the kids. Here is the latest:
Ava and Mom at her field trip to the Ft. Worth museum
Friends annual Easter Egg Hunt. Ava has been friends with these girls since birth. She is so lucky to have such a great group of friends.
Easter was wonderful. Grandma and Grandpa Grieshaber were down. It was wonderful having them at our home.
Ava and her teacher, Mrs. James at the Boren Carnival
Ava dressed as a clown for her school music program
The whole second grade performing in the Clown Musical
Having a great time with friends at Casa seeing Annie
Ava with her best friend Kendall
Ava and Mom at Alecia's baby shower in Ft. Worth
Ava and her friend Kaylee at Field Day
Ava receiving her bible from Pastor David
Loved this picture of Ava praying as Pastor David blessed the second graders
Last night the kids and I went to Town Park for Night at the Movies. They do this through out the summer. It was a great time. They had penguins out for the kids to see, a magic show and then Happy Feet 2.
I have decided to start a blog. I am not on Facebook so this will be a way for me to let friends and family know what is going on in my life. I have titled it the M&M's of Life because the four "M words" I chose are defining areas of my life. I chose "Mary" because that is my spiritural side. "Martha" is for my unsucessful attempt at trying to keep my home and family at some level of sanity. I tend to be a woman who really has great intentions of being organized, cooking four nights a week and keeping up with laundry, but by Wednesday, I tell myself, " I will start again Monday". Marriage is one of my passions, marriage ministry to be more specific. Motherhood is my greatest accomplishment and what motivates me to strive to become a better person. I hope you will join me as I do my best at working out this thing called life.