A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about marriage, my marriage in particular. I can tell you that in the past, I was queen of the "if onlys". When I married my husband, I had no idea that it would follow 9 1/2 years of being alone on the weekends. I married a teacher... didn't know that a career in acting would follow. I use to resent my husband for this work, and I promise you, it didn't lead us to a good place. People have asked me recently how Josh and I are so good. My first answer is, grace and mercy. Only by the power of Jesus Christ do we have a good marriage. But I also follow that up by saying, "respect and honor". Both have been built over time in our marriage, not given with a ceremony and a ring. I read this article on www.refineus.org. I am attaching it below. If you journal, I would encourage you today to make a list of the blessings your spouse brings... not the "if only's".
There are so many things that your marriage can survive. You marriage can survive miscommunication. Your marriage can survive busy schedules. Your marriage can overcome conflict with your in-laws. Your marriage can get through sexual brokenness and unforgiveness. But, there are two words that will eventually bring an end to your marriage…if not legally then definitely emotionally.
The two words are…
If only my wife had sex with me more often
If only my husband looked at me like my boss does
If only we had kids
If only we made more money
If only we lived in a bigger house
If only we would have dated longer
If only she took care of herself like the lady at the gym
If only my high school boyfriend and I would have stayed together
If only we hadn’t had kids so young
If only she understood me
If only he listened to me
If only I knew we were soul mates
If only she cooked more or better
If only he could do things around the house
If only causes you to focus on what isn’t rather than on what is. If only allows your mind to fantasize about someone that isn’t your spouse. If only believes the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. If only paralyzes us in the pursuit of our spouse and convinces us that a perfect marriage is competently up to the other person. If only will slowly destroy intimacy and leave you in a place of resentment. If only will trick you into believing that the best days of your marriage are behind you and and not ahead of you.
The best thing you can do for your marriage today is remove “if only” from your mind and heart.
You can’t change the past, but you can prevent the past from destroying your future.
My Everchanging Grief
1 day ago